What I Would Have Told My Younger Self About Love

What I Would Have Told My Younger Self About Love

As we start a fresh, new year, I think about what I’ve learnt in the last year and what I want to focus on in this wonderful near year. Of course my mind turns to love and my matchmaking clients.

If I could sit across from my younger self, idealistic and at times a little heartbroken, I’d tell myself what I now know for certain: love is beautiful, but it’s also a teacher.

Over the years, as a matchmaker in Sydney and Canberra, and also in my own love life – love has shown me joy and laughter, but it’s also revealed truth through its hardest lessons. Truth about boundaries, trust, forgiveness, and what it means to truly love yourself first.

At Vital Partners, a trusted Dating Service and Matchmaking Agency with clients across Sydney and Canberra, we’ve spent decades helping people discover these truths too. Through our Matchmaking Services and Introduction Services, we’ve seen thousands of singles find not only love, commitment and marriage – but a deeper understanding of themselves.

Love isn’t something you simply “find.” It’s something you grow into. 

So, if I could whisper words of wisdom to my younger self, and perhaps to you, reading this now, here’s what I’d say about love.

1. If It No Longer Serves You, Let It Go

We all cling to things that hurt us: a relationship that ended poorly, a love that wasn’t returned, or a betrayal we can’t quite forgive. But here’s the truth: if it no longer serves you, it no longer deserves your energy.

Love can’t flourish in a heart filled with resentment or fear. The space where love grows best is clear, light, and open. You create that space by letting go of what’s behind you.

That means letting go of:

• Past betrayals that made you distrustful.
• Past hurts that made you guarded.
• Losses that made you afraid to try again.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means choosing peace over pain. It means saying, “That chapter shaped me, but it doesn’t define me.”

Through our years as a Matchmaking Agency, we’ve seen that those clients who find deep, lasting love are often the ones who’ve released the emotional clutter of their past. Clients who don’t carry past disappointment into their next connection. Instead, they approach love with an open heart, ready to receive it fully when it comes.

2. Love Isn’t a Game, It’s an Exchange of Truth

When you’re younger, you might believe that playing hard to get makes you desirable. That withholding affection creates mystery. That pretending not to care will protect you.

But the truth is, real love doesn’t respond to games, it thrives on honesty.

When people feel appreciated, they naturally give more love. When they feel safe to be vulnerable, they open up. When they know you’re being real with them, they trust you.

Don’t play games in love, and don’t hold it in. If you care, say so. If you’re unsure, ask. If you’re hurt, express it.

Emotional stability and maturity is attractive. Transparency builds connection. The older version of you will never regret being honest in love, but you will regret staying silent when your heart wanted to speak.

As an Introduction Agency that’s seen thousands of connections form and grow, we can confidently say: authenticity is magnetic – as is the law of attraction. When you are unapologetically yourself, you attract someone who loves you for you.

3. Take Care of Your Body, It’s an Investment in Love and Life

Your younger self might have believed that love was only about emotions, about chemistry, butterflies, and romance. But as you mature, you realise that how you feel about yourself physically deeply affects how you show up in love.

Taking care of your physical health is an investment in yourself. It’s not about perfection, it’s about confidence, energy and vitality.

Eat well. Move often. Sleep enough. Not because you’re chasing beauty standards, but because you’re nurturing the only body and mind that you have. Be the best version of yourself – inside and out.

Healthy love starts with self-respect, and self-respect begins with self-care.
At our Dating Agency Sydney and Dating Agency Canberra, we encourage our clients to nurture all parts of themselves before seeking love, because when you feel good within, you attract good. Again, the law of attraction.

4. Don’t Settle for “Almost” Love

One of the hardest lessons? Learning the difference between being chosen and being truly loved.

Younger me thought love meant trying harder – that if I gave more, compromised more, or held on longer, things would work out. But now I know: if someone wants to be in your life, you won’t have to convince them. Just watch them, they will show you how they really feel.

“Almost” love teaches us boundaries. It shows us the cost of chasing what’s not meant for us. But it also reminds us of what we truly deserve, reciprocity.

Love should never leave you questioning your worth. You should never have to beg to be seen, heard, or valued.

If the connection feels like constant effort, confusion, or anxiety, it’s not love, it’s attachment. And when something isn’t growing you, it’s time to let it go.

5. Nothing Good Comes from Lies

It’s a hard truth, but it absolutely cannot be ignored: affairs and deception in love are the lowest human behaviours.

They destroy trust. They wound the innocent. And they leave emotional scars that ripple through families, friendships, and generations.

When you lie in love, you don’t escape the consequences, they are forever attached to you and define your character. You live with the weight of that choice forever.

Nothing beautiful is built on betrayal.

At Vital Partners, as a premium Matchmaking Service and Introduction Agency, we’ve helped in guiding and working with people who have walked through heartbreak caused by dishonesty, and those who’ve rebuilt after it. The common thread among those who find peace again? They choose truth. Every single time.

Love demands courage. Sometimes courage looks like being honest about your feelings; or it’s walking away from what no longer aligns with your values. But there is no lasting love without honesty.

7. Celebrate Independence, Yours and Theirs

True love doesn’t require you to lose yourself. It invites you to be more of yourself.

Your independence is not a threat to a healthy relationship, it’s the foundation of one. A mature partner will celebrate your goals, support your passions, and encourage your time with friends.

Likewise, they’ll have their own ambitions, their own space, and their own world. That’s what keeps love vibrant.

At Vital Partners, our Matchmaking Services are designed to bring together people who understand that love thrives when two individuals, strong in themselves, choose to walk through life together.

If your partner feels secure enough to let you grow, and you’re happy to do the same for them, that’s not distance; that’s trust.

7. Respect Is Love

Respect doesn’t make headlines like passion does, but it’s the silent heartbeat that keeps a relationship alive.

Respect means you don’t speak down to each other, even in conflict. You also never speak down about your partner to someone else or in public – not event as humour or a joke in front of them. It means listening, not to reply, but to understand. It means celebrating each other’s differences instead of resenting them.

When someone respects your boundaries, your opinions, and your emotions, hold on to that. It’s one of the most beautiful love languages there is.

We’ve seen, through our decades of Introduction Services and Matchmaking Agency experience, that the strongest couples share a deep foundation of mutual respect. It’s not about control or ego, it’s about care.

8. Never Stop Growing, Alone or Together

Love is not a destination; it’s a journey.

Every relationship, even the best ones, will challenge you. They’ll hold up a mirror to your insecurities, your habits, and your patterns. But that’s the gift of real connection, it helps you grow.

Seek a partner who doesn’t fear growth, but embraces it. Someone who encourages you to learn, evolve, and stretch beyond your comfort zone.

Likewise, invest in your own personal development: read, travel, learn new skills, try on hobbies and interests, nurture friendships – this is taking time to understand yourself.

When you both keep evolving, you ensure the relationship never stagnates.

Our clients often say that the best thing about finding love later in life is that they finally know themselves. They bring emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-awareness to their relationships, and it makes all the difference.

9. Choose Kindness Over Ego

Love isn’t about being right. It’s about being kind.

In every relationship, there will be conflict, that’s part of being human. But what defines love is how you handle it.

A loving partner won’t yell, manipulate, or walk away mid-conversation. They’ll stay. They’ll listen. They’ll care more about preserving the relationship than winning the argument.

Ask yourself: “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be understood?” “Do I want to win the argument, or win the relationship?”.

When you choose kindness, humility, and compassion over pride, you strengthen the bond between you.

10. Be Brave Enough to Love Fully Again

After heartbreak, it’s tempting to build walls instead of bridges. But if there’s one thing I’d tell my younger self, it’s this: don’t let the pain of the past steal the potential of your future. You truly deserve to be happy again, so don’t stop yourself!

Yes, love can hurt. But it can also heal.

Be brave enough to love again, but do it wiser this time.
Be more discerning, more patient, more aligned with what you truly value.

Love doesn’t always arrive on your timeline, but when it is found, you’ll be grateful for every lesson that prepared you for it.

11. Surround Yourself with Love in All Its Forms

Love isn’t just romantic, it’s everywhere. It’s in the laughter you share with friends, the care of family, the joy of taking your dog for a walk, the peace of a quiet morning coffee.

The more you recognise love in all its forms, the more abundant it becomes. And when you’re already surrounded by love, you stop chasing it out of loneliness and start attracting it out of fullness.

12. The Best Love Feels Like Home

When you meet someone who truly aligns with you, it won’t feel like fireworks, it’ll feel like peace.

You’ll laugh easily. You’ll communicate effortlessly. You’ll feel seen without needing to perform.

That’s what real love looks like, comfort without complacency, passion without pressure, and effort that feels natural.

It’s not about finding someone to complete you. It’s about finding someone to grow with you.

Final Reflections

If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self that love isn’t about chasing perfection, but about choosing someone who makes you feel valued, respected, and safe. It’s not about holding on to what hurts, but about letting go so that something better can take its place.

And above all, I’d remind her that the most important relationship she’ll ever have, the one that sets the tone for all others, is the one she has with herself.

Because the more you honour your worth, the more you’ll attract someone who recognises it too.

Ready to Find the Kind of Love That Lasts?

At Vital Partners, we know that love isn’t luck, it’s alignment.
Through our premium Matchmaking and Introduction Services, and dedicated Dating Agency located in Sydney and Dating Agency Canberra teams, we help singles connect with emotionally intelligent, values-driven partners who are genuinely single and ready for real commitment.

We don’t just introduce people, we understand them.