Many of our clients have been in a few serious relationships throughout their adult lives and come to us with lots of lived experience. A greater number of our clients come to us after a long-term relationship or marriage has ended, and they find the idea of dating quite scary.

We really get to know our clients, and the advice we give them does consider their romantic history and life experiences. Here’s a bit of what we’ve learnt about love through the ages.

Twenty-somethings: Embrace the Energy

Life is wonderful and so full of opportunities in your twenties. That’s not to say that it can’t be that at any age, but it’s in the attitude. Twenty-year-olds have the energy and positivity of being somewhere at the beginning of their independent lives. They’re not generally looking at their mortgage balance each week or fretting yet over their biological clocks. And in dating, the attitude is also more relaxed. There’s time to find a connection, which may or may not evolve into a long-term relationship, that may or may not have the potential to become the love of your life and a life partnership.

The dating scene is basically wide open. Which is positive for finding someone that you really connect with, can communicate well with, and have similar values and beliefs. Though, it can also mean that not everyone you come across is looking for the same thing. If you’re in your twenties and looking for a life partner, you may find bringing that up on a first date won’t be so well received. Here are our tips for dating in your twenties.

Skip online dating apps

Sure, it’s entertaining to see what these sites are all about, of swiping this way and that. But really, you’re young, and you have loads of friends and acquaintances from school, university, and work. There are so many opportunities to meet a potential partner.

Get out there and go to that party – instead of staying home in your jammies. If a new friend asks if you want to join them to meet up with some people they know – go for it! Get yourself out there and just have some fun. Broaden your social circle, and you never know who you may connect with. It’s always interesting to meet new people and discover new places and interests.

Be clear about what you want

Is your life crazy right now? Do you have work or study deadlines, friends to meet up with, family commitments and events that mean a lot to you? Do you have space for a relationship in your life? Not just time, but emotional space? What’s your focus right now? Is it about setting yourself up in your new job, career, studies, or living out of home for the first time? Do you have an audacious savings goal to buy your own property, travel overseas or around Australia? Just consider how much time you can commit to developing a new relationship (and all those ups and downs that go along with it) and your capacity for dealing with the outcomes.

What are your expectations? Why do you need a partner? What do you want them to provide you with? Perhaps, having a plus-one isn’t that big a deal, and it’s really your self-confidence and sense of self-worth that you may realise you want to work on.

Know your self-worth

Before going into any relationship, you want to have a strong sense of identity, purpose, and self-value. If you’re ready to look for your partner in life, knowing your own value, your positives, and what you can offer someone – is key to setting boundaries. What is and isn’t acceptable to you in dating and in an exclusive relationship? And think about some of those earlier questions about what a potential partner would add to your life. What do their family values and beliefs need to look like? Do they have a good communication style and one that compliments your own? Having a list of what would complement your personality and life the best will help in leading to a rewarding and fulfilling relationship.

Thirty-somethings: Confidence and Self-Discovery

Life is great, isn’t it? You are likely to be more established in your working life and career. You really know what you’re about, what is important to you in the world. You’ve probably done a fair amount of travel or at least have the confidence and savings to get you to some places soon. You’re more aware that you can be who you want to be.

On the other hand, many of your friends are possibly already in long-term partnerships, and some little mini-mes are running around. You’ve been to a fair few weddings, baby showers, toddler parties and so on. So that dating pool is getting a bit smaller. Perhaps your heart has been dented and even broken. You have begun to learn that trust is earned, and even then, those that you trust can let you down. Maybe you’re divorced.

So, the positive is that you know what boundaries really mean. You may be heartbroken, and you may have some baggage, but you also know how important it is to be strong in what you are looking for in your life. The clock is ticking, but you’ll be damned if you’re going to make the same mistakes or be treated badly again.

Here are our tips for you.

You are amazing

If you don’t resonate with the person we have described above if you don’t feel strong in your convictions of what you need and why – then you’ve got to do the thinking work to get you to a strong place. Know you, why you have some past hurts and what you learnt from those.

Time for you

When we have been in long-term relationships, sometimes we have forgotten what it was like to be single. Maybe it’s time to find yourself again, alone. Start that side hustle you’ve always daydreamed about. Start that course. Plan out your dream life! How can you get to a better life? Start a plan of living your life of choice, not a life by default.

Listen to your inner voice

It’s okay for well-meaning family and friends to tell you what they think you should do or what you need. But it’s your choice what you do with that information. Flick it to the side, or if it resonates a little with you, then really consider what it means for you.

If you’re ready and you rate their opinion, then sure, let that friend or family member set you up with a friend and friends of friends. Go on some dates. But before you go – make sure you have a surefire understanding of not only the type of relationship you’re looking for right now but also the right type of person for your life right now—their characteristics, personalities, and beliefs. And most importantly, be honest with everyone – especially your date. Let’s not waste yours on anyone else’s time.

Forty and Fifty-something: Prioritise Yourself

So, at this point, you really know more about yourself, who you are, what you’re looking for. And quite frankly, if someone isn’t going to fit the brief, then they can just keep walking. Good!

But seriously, we know by now – unless you’re a converted monk or breaking vows of celibacy – you’ve been in a long-term relationship or marriage, and the ending of that was heart-breaking. Promises that were made haven’t been met. Again, there may be children involved, and you know you have a higher responsibility in who you allow to come into your lives.

Our tips? Well, in case you just skipped down to your age and didn’t read above, we have some repeatable elements that are non-negotiables.

Don’t bother wasting your time

You’re smart enough, wise enough and grown up enough to know that you don’t need a partner to complete you. There are plenty of friends or soon-to-be friends that you can go out to the movies with or pick up the phone for a chat or video call with. You know that you only want to share your time and energy with people who help lift you up. You naturally distance yourself from people who, after catching up with them, you feel like they have dragged you down into the dumps of sadness, depression and despair. You already know the kind of person you want in your life. It’s just a matter of meeting people. Your time is also way too precious for online dating apps.

Time to shine

Life doesn’t always go the way we planned it to go. If you haven’t already, then let go of your childhood imaginings. The high school girlfriend, turning into happily ever after, didn’t happen for you. And that’s okay! Just think of all the spare time you can muster up to become the best version of yourself. Not best to other people, but best to you. When you look in the mirror, when you walk out the door – you feel amazing. Everything slots into place by your choice. So, make a list of what the best version of you looks like. Are you trying to be healthier, more active? Want to do a cooking course? Start a new sport? Joining that new club, gym, course, or walking group. Study that second language for the trip to Europe that you’re saving up for. Go and try those things – do them. There’s no one holding you back, and you are your best supporter.

And while you’re at it, always be open to making new acquaintances and friendships. A new acquaintance may soon be describing you – this amazing, friendly, lovely person they just met in their book club – to one of their single friends.

Lean on the professionals

Have you worked with a psychologist, counsellor or personal coach where you need to? Do think about finding a great psychologist who has experience in helping people move on to their next stage of life. You may only chat with them once every couple of months and then even less often. It’s so beneficial to have an impartial confidant that will help you to get to know your strengths and weaknesses and help you to move through this stage. Work on you. And when you are ready for love, contact the team here at Vital Partners.

Over Sixty’s: Embrace the Possibilities

Do you know what? At Vital Partners, we love working with genuine singles searching for their life partners, and that includes our over sixty’s clients. Whilst dating may have been something that was a vague memory from decades ago, our mature clients are just fabulous. They sure do know what they want in a partner. Our biggest tip to you is – what are you waiting for? If you don’t find a new love interest, you will certainly find a new friend! So, give us a call here at Vital Partners, and we’d love to have a chat and get to know you and discuss if we can help you find a new special person in your life.

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