This is not an article for singles only. It will make you think twice at any stage of your life about all types of relationships you carry with you. And, of course, whether it’s been weeks or years since your last love partner relationship ended, this article is also specially written for you!
Consider these questions that we pose…
- Question: Have you worked on your own issues?
“I am working on myself at the moment.”
Covid, isolations, and lockdowns were all a time of opportunity and awakening for us to consider many areas of our life. We may have been overlooking some bigger picture pieces in the everyday busyness of everyday society. For many of us, we gained a refreshed awareness, and it has stayed with us post Covid. Others relished ‘getting back to their normal’ pace.
What did you learn about yourself, and what issues did you work on? Have you identified repeating and perhaps negative thought processes and behavioural habits that don’t serve you well? For instance, what do you reach for when you feel low? Can you self-soothe when past hurts trigger you? Do you feel resentment about your childhood and upbringing towards family members?
Of course, life and we will never be perfect but think about a prospective partner. They would want your whole focus and presence to build a new relationship with them. If you were constantly pulled into a person’s dramas, that wouldn’t appeal to you either!
Work on yourself first.
- Question: Are you confident in yourself?
Following on from our first question and moving onto confidence. Everyone has heard the saying:
‘You need to love yourself before you can love anyone else.’
What does that mean? Well, many things.
– You need to be kind to yourself. When things go wrong in a relationship, you don’t want to default to blaming yourself.
– You need to be self-assured. Confidence is attractive. Why? Because it tells people that you’re not looking to be rescued at every turn. You are ready to be an equal and supportive partner in a relationship. Giving and receiving confidently.
A partner is not someone to complete you – despite that famous movie line in Jerry McGuire when Tom Cruise says, ‘You complete me’. Only you can make yourself complete. You are only as happy as you allow yourself to be. Resilience, self-love, and compassion … get you through tough times in all relationships. Having good people around to support and show us compassion is a blessing and a bonus. And, remember to show yourself compassion!
- Question: Is your ex is no longer ‘always on your mind’?
Yes, we want to learn from our past important relationships, but you know yourself if you are still harbouring enough hurt and questions to hinder a new relationship. You don’t want to default to constantly questioning your new partner with insecurities. You don’t want to be comparing your new partner to how your ex used to behave. I know there has been pain in the past. If you are finding it really difficult to see a clear path forward from the hurt, reach out for help from resources and friends – not a new partner. For instance, reading articles about moving on and finding a good counsellor or psychologist. You want to be the best partner you can be – not someone still reeling from or dreaming about their ex.
No one can live up to the story in your mind. Find ways to change that story to a clean page ready for a new beginning.
And finally, relationships are part of our growth, and when there’s growth, there’s work!
There are other articles we have written on our website that you can read, which go deeper into relationship matters. For now, embrace that relationships require energy for them to work. In the beginning, it’s all dates, fun and showing our best traits. After that, it’s work. Are you ready to focus on someone else’s needs and wants – often above your own? If that feels like a bit of a downer to you right now, then don’t worry! Go out and have fun with your friends. Do what you want to do for a while. Focus on giving yourself what you need until you feel like something is missing and you realise that you’re ready to put someone else in the picture.
If you are single and ready for real love, contact the team at Vital Partners now, call (02) 9017 8400. Contact Us – Vital Partners
