Successful 2nd + marriage
Are you scared of making a new commitment?
According to the ABS, 30% of marriages in Australia end in divorce.
Australian Family Lawyers noted in an online article that just over a quarter of all marriages in Australia in 2021 (25.7%) involved at least one of the parties who had previously been divorced, and for those who are marrying for the second time, divorce is twice as likely, 60%.
So, is marriage itself the problem? No, according to Collective Family Law Group, ‘studies show that de facto couples experience higher rates of separation compared to married couples, even when children are involved.’
What’s next?
For many people, the hardship and emotional wounds of a failed long-term relationship are too much to consider going through again. However, the Australian Bureau of Statistics notes that ‘the median length of time between divorce and remarriage is 2.8 years for men and 3.2 years for women’.
Considering, deciding to pursue, and starting a new long-term relationship takes a huge emotional journey. Once the wounds begin to heal and you are ready to look at what you gained from your relationship, there are many positives to consider, including what you learned.
Experience Makes Us Wiser
You can take a step back and look at what you now know about yourself in a relationship and the type of partner you need to be with. Some people will look for someone similar to their last partner but learn from what went wrong and not repeat those mistakes. For others, the appeal of a completely different partner spurs them with hope for a more successful relationship.
Coming out of a failed relationship brings a sense of purpose and certainty about the personality traits and behaviours that are now important and acceptable to you.
If you are a parent, you know the relationship challenges that raising children adds. You may decide that you’re not interested in creating a blended family, or on the other hand, you may be open to meeting someone who does have children from their previous relationship. Parents will also be assessing whether a new potential partner is someone they can navigate the added financial complications of child support arrangements.
Starting a “clean slate” with someone new is only partially true. The relationship will be new, but your experiences from your last relationship mean you have hundreds of factors that you now know will impact how good of a match a person really is for you going forward.
The main priority is that you don’t get swept up in a new love at the detriment of sweeping these realities under the carpet. Communication is key. You know from experience that something you don’t deal with early on in a relationship will only come back to the surface and need to be dealt with later.
You Can’t Change Someone or Make Them Someone They Are Not
It’s sad but true. For all the things you didn’t like in your failed relationship, the things you didn’t like about your ex, and despite all the ways you tried to make things different – it didn’t work. There are at least two things you now know. People will act however they want, and actions speak louder than words.
Am I the only person who thinks that the longer we are with someone, the stronger their character traits come out? The good and the bad. If you were with your partner for many years, you might even look back at who they were when you first met and who you knew them to be at the end of the relationship and see two almost entirely different people.
Unfortunately, some of the clues to their character flaws were very subtle in the beginning, and we think, perhaps, it’s something we can change or, at worst, learn to live with and look past. In reality, if they annoy you a little bit at first, they will be the things that will stand out the most in the end. The more I pointed out those flaws or asked for my ex to work on them, it seems the more they came out.
Know The Direction You Want To Go In
If you don’t know where you want to be, you will end up going all over the place.
Close your eyes and imagine exactly where you want to be in three years’ time. Where are you? What are you wearing? How do you look? What does your to-do list look like? What does your social calendar look like? Is there a partner there with you, or not? If there is, what does their personality feel like? (You notice I didn’t mention what they look like).
Once you know what you want to achieve, you are ready to put the plans and steps in place to start that journey. On your way, find the person you want to share those plans with, but most importantly, find the person who wants you and that future, too.
Know in your heart that you will be happy in that future place and whether there will be someone at that destination with you or not. Either way, you will have reached your place.
Where To Next?
Don’t be unsure. If you’re thinking about beginning a new long-term relationship, contact Vital Partners for a free consultation. We’re interested in learning about you and where you want to be in the next stage of your fulfilling life journey.
Visit Vital Partners for more relationship inspiration and content.
Vital Partners is a matchmaking service in Sydney and Canberra. We help mature singles with their dating journey. Professionals, executive dating and those looking for a quality experience with exceptional personal customer service. We’re here to guide you through every stage of your romantic journey. Let us be the introduction agency to help you find that special person who will enrich your life.
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