No matter what stage of the relationship you’re in, you should know that mindfulness is a powerful practice that can help. Mindfulness is a state of awareness existent in everyone, however, it’s the way you utilise it is what’s important. It’s easy to be mindful when you’re both having a great day and everything feels like it’s fuelled by love. But what about the times where you’re angry and frustrated? When all you see is red, you stop being mindful of the things happening around you.
How to Practice Mindfulness
How often do you run out your front door with a cup full of coffee sloshing about without really thinking about how your day will go? If you’ve spilt your coffee then you’re more than likely frustrated before your day has really started. Everything from here on out will anger you and you’ll grow more and more impatient. This is probably the last way you want your day to go but you didn’t intend it to go so bad right?
It’s the same with relationships. You probably didn’t wake up in the morning wanting to start a fight with your partner. You probably wanted it to be the exact opposite; filled with love and laughs throughout the day. But you woke up not giving yourself a minute to make these thoughts and activate these feelings, therefore when something small happens, you react in a negative way.
A few things that we feel can help with mindfulness comes down to your purpose, being grateful and taking a quick pause.
Purpose
Waking up with intentions is a good habit to get your mind and body into. Wake up in the morning and allow 2-3 minutes to yourself, no matter how loud the baby is screaming or how much you need to reach for your phone. If you don’t even have 2-3 minutes, allow yourself at least 3 deep breaths. With each breath, think about how you plan to go about your day and ask yourself:
- What is my intention for today?
- How should I made myself better?
- What will make my day kick off in a positive manner?
Simple 3 questions to answer that will take up next to nothing of your time.
Grateful
Being appreciative for the bed you’re sleeping in, the breakfast you consume in the morning and water to hydrate yourself. Enjoying your life does not mean indulging in expensive luxuries of the world. It means being able to feel alive every single day when you know there are people in the world that don’t even want to wake up. It is so important to be thankful for your day.
Mindful Pause
Our brain is known to run on autopilot which means we have a default way of doing things that are out of habit. That’s why taking a mindful pause is so vital for our mental wellbeing. If you feel as though your brain is thinking a million thoughts at the same time, do the following steps to help slow it down:
- Focus on one thing in the room and count to 10
- Make sure you use all your sense to become aware of your surroundings: touch, hear, see, smell and taste
- Start the mindfulness practice by absorbing in everything around you
- Take long and deep breaths
Navigate Your Feelings with Mindfulness
Becoming more aware of your feelings and your partners’ feelings can help with your reactions and the way you respond to certain situations. Often when we are fighting with a partner, emotions get the better of us and we say or feel things we cannot help. However, mindfulness can help you navigate those emotions, allowing you to fully grasp yourself.
One of the typical things that happen when fighting with a partner is a sense of defensiveness. If they accuse you of doing something, your initial reaction is to defend yourself almost immediately. Practicing mindfulness here by pausing and being aware of the situation can help you choose a different path to how to react. Use Gottman’s principle of “turning towards instead of away” when you’re arguing with your partner or anyone for that matter.
Sense of Appreciation for Your Relationship
We’ve always talked about important appreciation is in any type of relationship. Being thankful for the people around you is a blessing and you should be highly aware of that. However, we know how easy it is to lose sight of these things because of work or other distractions in life. Being grateful for your partner can definitely improve and strengthen your relationship.
Exploring mindful gratitude practices can help to train your mind to see what’s right over what’s wrong – to see opportunity or challenge instead of signs of defeat. – Gottman
There are so many different ways to show your gratitude towards your partner but it all depends on your relationship. Some people may like gifts as a way to show appreciation. Others love hand-crafted things like a letter or dinner on the table. Figure out what it is your partner prioritises when it comes to showing your gratitude and use that to strengthen your relationship.
